These were the words that set me free. Free from the guilt that I wasn't able to provide nutrition for my precious son.
"A happy family is more important than breast feeding...and at the moment you're not a happy family."
"A happy family is more important than breast feeding...and at the moment you're not a happy family."
We all know breast is best. It is absolutely everywhere. I wanted Rory to have the best and I tried so damn hard.
We had health visitors, mid wives, health care assistants, breastfeeding buddy and a lactation consultant visiting us multiple times a day at home. I left hospital "a natural" at breast feeding. I would ring the bell and apologise for asking them to check my latch, each time absolutely fine. Great job! You're a natural! Only... there was no milk, there was no let down. I had no clue. I've never done this before. I didn't know what it should feel like!
Rory was starving. He had to be held 24/7 as his needs weren't being met, so he wasn't comfortable and wouldn't sleep. After 2 nights my neurologist said they had to take Rory for the evening so I could sleep. They took Rory at 2am to the nursery. I could hear he him screaming the whole time. Somehow I dozed off after a trip to the toilet and finally being able to eat something (a pear, it was so good). They returned Rory to me at 5am - still miserable.
Anyway we were discharged as all seemed to be ok. Rory was slightly jaundice but not enough to require treatment.
How did I leave hospital with a baby who wasnt feeding?! I firmly believe it was the nappies. I had hoped to use cloth nappies, but to be honest, I had started research and got myself into a heap of confusion. So we went with Naty Eco nappys. They are fab - check them out. The only issue was, I couldn't tell if had weed as the nappies were naturally bulky. Any mums know (and if you're yet to be a mum or dad, be prepared for wee and poo to move up your list of conversation starters) you have to monitor wee and that lovely tar like poop to ensure everything is ok. Anyway, somehow we were off home as a family of 3 and I was so pleased to get home.
So back to the beginning of this post. As you can tell, breast feeding didn't happen. I couldn't accept it. I felt so guilty for not being able to provide for my beautiful boy. So many people urged me that formula was fine, and we did give 1 or 2 bottles of formula, but I (stubbornly) wanted to provide for my son. The pressure from society to breastfeed once you're pregant is immense and I kept feeling like a failure whenever we reached for a bottle of formula. To this day I still struggle with this. I have learnt to be kind to myself and give myself grace. But, as you will find out, this is something I still haven't completely let go off.
This was what I got from pumping for 1.5days - setting alarms at night because you often produce more milk at night and it can help bring in your supply. I was exhausted. If I wasn't feeding, I was pumping.
After 10 days of trying, visitors every day trying to support me, often multiple times, the midwife finally set me free with those words. And the truth was, it was just in time, as my sweet little boy had lost 10% of his body weight and should have been going back to hospital.
If there is one thing you take from this post, it is that a fed baby, is a happy baby. And please do reach out for support. Laleche is an amazing resource who can point you in the direction of services in your area. I bet there are loads that you never knew existed! And please, be kind to yourself.
https://www.laleche.org.uk/
Being a new mum is hard. There is no shame in asking for help.
We had health visitors, mid wives, health care assistants, breastfeeding buddy and a lactation consultant visiting us multiple times a day at home. I left hospital "a natural" at breast feeding. I would ring the bell and apologise for asking them to check my latch, each time absolutely fine. Great job! You're a natural! Only... there was no milk, there was no let down. I had no clue. I've never done this before. I didn't know what it should feel like!
Rory was starving. He had to be held 24/7 as his needs weren't being met, so he wasn't comfortable and wouldn't sleep. After 2 nights my neurologist said they had to take Rory for the evening so I could sleep. They took Rory at 2am to the nursery. I could hear he him screaming the whole time. Somehow I dozed off after a trip to the toilet and finally being able to eat something (a pear, it was so good). They returned Rory to me at 5am - still miserable.
Anyway we were discharged as all seemed to be ok. Rory was slightly jaundice but not enough to require treatment.
How did I leave hospital with a baby who wasnt feeding?! I firmly believe it was the nappies. I had hoped to use cloth nappies, but to be honest, I had started research and got myself into a heap of confusion. So we went with Naty Eco nappys. They are fab - check them out. The only issue was, I couldn't tell if had weed as the nappies were naturally bulky. Any mums know (and if you're yet to be a mum or dad, be prepared for wee and poo to move up your list of conversation starters) you have to monitor wee and that lovely tar like poop to ensure everything is ok. Anyway, somehow we were off home as a family of 3 and I was so pleased to get home.
So back to the beginning of this post. As you can tell, breast feeding didn't happen. I couldn't accept it. I felt so guilty for not being able to provide for my beautiful boy. So many people urged me that formula was fine, and we did give 1 or 2 bottles of formula, but I (stubbornly) wanted to provide for my son. The pressure from society to breastfeed once you're pregant is immense and I kept feeling like a failure whenever we reached for a bottle of formula. To this day I still struggle with this. I have learnt to be kind to myself and give myself grace. But, as you will find out, this is something I still haven't completely let go off.
After 10 days of trying, visitors every day trying to support me, often multiple times, the midwife finally set me free with those words. And the truth was, it was just in time, as my sweet little boy had lost 10% of his body weight and should have been going back to hospital.
If there is one thing you take from this post, it is that a fed baby, is a happy baby. And please do reach out for support. Laleche is an amazing resource who can point you in the direction of services in your area. I bet there are loads that you never knew existed! And please, be kind to yourself.
https://www.laleche.org.uk/
Being a new mum is hard. There is no shame in asking for help.
