Change

So, I haven't posted in ages. I know it normally takes me ages to post but this has been extraordinary long! I guess the title of this post has summed up what has been going on. Everything has changed! Everything...so I'll try and sum up the past few months....

Firstly, the hardest and most difficult change. I decided to not get married. I have never been through anything harder (and I've not had an easy life by any means). Hurting someone you care deeply about it not something I ever want to do again. I never wanted to cause any hurt or pain to anyone, but I couldn't go through with something that my heart wasn't committing to. If anyone involved in this change happens to read this, I want you to know I am sorry, and that I wasn't only thinking of myself,  I wanted Steve to be happy too, he deserves all the happiness and I wasn't giving him that, no matter what I tried, nothing was ever enough. Anyway I can't dwell on this as there is so much to be said, but not for ye olde interweb. I wish him every happiness in his future, I know it will be great and bright and filled with lepricorns and beer!

So from this change came many more changes! I moved out, not only did I move out, I made the decision to not live my twin sister! I could never ever imagine not living with Sam. Me and Sam apart makes no sense. But this leads onto another change, I fell in love with my best friend...everything just seemed to run its own course and so naturally, all the grey patchs became clear and everything made sense again. We fit together like gloves and hands, like unicorns and mermaids, like tea and biscuits, and although nothing could every replace Sam, he more than filled the spaces that would be left. So we are now happily living together. He really completes me as a person, makes me feel whole, I would be more lost than The Lost boys without him. I could spend all day telling you the things I love about him, so to keep it simple I'll say in a grand ole English accent, "he is simply marvellous!"

While all this was happening my Pappy (if you've read my older posts you know he is my grandad)  unfortunately had to be put into a care home. Even worse than this I still haven't been able to go and visit him. I know he never wanted to end up in the home, but it was too hard for my nan and her health is equally as important. I hope I can go and visit soon! I will have to make the time.

Ok, so now, drum roll please..... ok so no drums, you've got me, if I had drums then I would certainly make them roll for this news..... I FINALLY got the job of my dreams. I have just completed my first week and what a roller coaster! I absolutely love it and love the school I am in. I now need to spend some time getting myself sorted and organised so that I can be the best I can be for the kiddiwinks!

So, now it's all down in black and white you're probably thinking, thats not that much, what's she on about loads has changed? And I agree it doesn't look like much, but my entire life and perspective of life has changed. I never thought I would be brave enough or good enough to make it through any of the above unscared, but I have. If I can do it then any of you can. Life is far too short, if you aren't happy then get off your ass (or trusted stead) and do something about it! I fully intend to fill my future will rainbows, sugarplums and fairies, because why wouldn't you? Change isn't always easy, but sometimes easy things aren't as meaningful as the hard.

Anyway I'll update sooner, rather than later....why are you looking at me like that? I willllllll! Brownies honour. I was too a Brownie so :p